Well, it's not like you need a guy from the future to tell you how horrifyingly painful it is to sit through Hop. Sporting a cast of B-list television actors, C-list movie actors and Russell Brand, who's an A-lister in England but universally abhorred by everyone else, Hop is a giant melting pot of awful: acting, script, plot, creepiness, egg droppings and the live action/animation combination that was fresh and cute with Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and vintage Woody Allen, but got weird after The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle. And then unbearable with Alvin and the Chipmunks.
And guess who directed the Chipmunks atrocity? Why none other than Hop director Tim FUCKING Hill!
One surprise, however, is Hop's poor showing at the box office. Purely geared towards kids, the racy excremental images assuredly scared off conservative parents, while Kaley Cuoco's acting scared off the sensible ones. The small Friday audience created a backlash that killed the movie, wherein several children suffered seizures from the copious amount of colored eggs flying from the cartoon bunny's ass.
You know, I thought that scene in the trailer, the one where the bunny poops eggs on James Marsden's car hood, was weird, but I dismissed it as pure fun a five-year-old child may chuckle at. But Jesus, did it have to become such a major component of the film?
OK, so...damn, it's hard to explain the plot without my heart aching and a strong wave of depression rushing over me.
The film stars the Easter bunny (Russell Brand), or E.B., which even mentally-challenged pre-schoolers wouldn't find clever, who is injured by Fred (James Marsden). After accidentally severing E.B.'s foot with his riding lawnmower, Fred feels obligated to defy the laws of nature and allow the cartoon to sleep in his non-cartoon home. E.B. is a horrible house guest, tracking muddy rabbit footprints all over the floor and reupholstered furniture. But Fred keeps E.B., however, because he's mixed up in some heavy bunny mafia shit...and he's just so darn cute! E.B. fights off these individual bunny henchmen with his shitting shenanigans while Fred comically runs around like a buffoon boarding off windows and doors, screaming things like, “Easter used to be fun!” and, “You guys sure multiply fast!”
The movie's complete and utter failure to make any bit of fucking sense undoubtedly lies with director Tim Hill, who's last two movies abused the shit out of the live action/animation combo (Alvin and the Chipmunks and Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties). Hill called Hop a “departure” from his previous cartoons-infused-with-reality films, saying, “Well, (Hop) got a PG rating for 'some mild rude humor.' So adults can connect with the underbelly themes reflecting one's search for meaning, while kids just take the egg droppings at face value and laugh. And, oh, will they laugh!"
They didn't laugh.
No comments:
Post a Comment